Sunday, October 29, 2006

Is this really all there is to it?

Last week a friend in Romania emailed me an article recently published in a Romanian newspaper. It describes the results of a research study performed by a group of American psychologists. I usually take these things with a large pinch of salt (which means I nearly ignore them) but this one intrigued me.

I have translated the article from Romanian into English. You can read it below.

"A sane individual cannot be in love longer than 2 years

The research work undertaken by American psychologists from the Californian High Research Institute showed that love is influenced by genes. Some statistics were compiled which could play the role of a guide book for couples, in their attempt to anticipate the fate of their relationship.

One week. This is the minimum time of an incipient exaltation period, according to the psychologists. The individual falls in love within 4 to 6 hours but, as they find out details about the object of their love, they relax, reaching neutrality in 7 days, or even amazement: “What did I see in him / her?” type of question arises.

1 – 4 months. The average period for adolescent loves and affairs started not as much as a consequence of a crushing passion but more as result of favourable circumstances. However, the psychologists maintain that, in these cases, one of the partners usually puts an abrupt end to the relationship (on shallow grounds), while the other one suffers for another 6 to 8 months, considering themselves “victims”.

5 months – 1 year. These are the relationships in which both partners are very much in love but there are complications: either they are married (to someone else), or they are very young and have issues with their parents, or they have jobs that stimulate their appetites for a career to the detriment of the love relationship. In most such cases, the partners separate based on mutual consent, even though one of them seems to suffer more.

1 – 2 years. The psychologists’ sentence is firm and annoying: love does not last more than 2 years. What follows is routine, attachment, stable affection, dependence, laziness, moral rigor (in case of marriages) and many other inertia related behaviours. Many people throughout the world protested against this sentence but, upon a close and sincere self analysis, they will realise that the psychologists are right.

The famous “lifelong loves” are due, in the specialists’ view, to pathological complications: obsession, delirium in virtual world, psychosis, emotional instability. In other words, only the loonies can keep the intensity of the feeling unchanged for a lifetime. This does not mean, however, that a couple that resists in time is ailing – in this case, the affection took much more complex (or less intense!) forms which cannot be defined as love
”.

This seems to be a scientific response to my earlier “butterflies in the stomach” ramblings … A very sad and unfair one, what else can I say. That’s why I’ve just decided I don’t trust it.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

In and out of Moscow …

Thank god today is the day I will fly out of Moscow! I have been here for 11 days and 10 nights as per my endless hotel bill).

God, this place is so bloody expensive, I spent a little fortune only on wireless internet scratch cards (I had 9, all for 24 hours!). This was a bit silly because during daytime I was out of the hotel room anyway and didn’t really use the wireless. Moreover, the internet connection in the offices here is quite good – I even managed to be online on Skype which is quite unheard of in any other office I have visited so far. So, there was probably no real need for continuous internet access in the room but, for one reason or another, I have felt so depressed here ever since I landed so continuous connection with the outside (civilised!) world was really precious. Prejudices, haunting memories, the perspective of spending a few years in this place … who knows? I only know that I have felt quite bad and stressed out here. It’s very strange – whenever I am in Moscow, I have this need of stopping indoors – I really don’t feel like going out and visiting places or having fun outside. This time I only visited the Kremlin – this was the second time for me and, of course, I had exactly the same reaction as the first time – yes, you guessed, I did not like it. Totally hated it, to be more precise. That happened on Saturday and, as soon as the visit was over, I hurried back to my hotel room and did not leave it until Monday morning.

I remember the Monday I travelled to Moscow from Brussels, two weeks ago – we spent one full day travelling. First, the flight was delayed, we then spent 3.5 hours in the air, then it took us another 2.5 hours stuck in horrendous traffic jam from the airport to the hotel in the city centre. Oh, sadly enough, that was my birthday … :-( I remember hoping to god that something would happen to prevent me from ending up in Moscow. The girl in the airport in Brussels who was supposed to check our passports and visas upon boarding did not look in detail at mine. So, I was surprised to see her a bit later, when I was (uncomfortably) settled in my seat on the plane, hurrying towards me and politely asking me to hand her my passport once again as she had been a bit confused before. So I said to her “please, make sure you find something wrong with my visa, my passport or something …”. She smiled and said “you don’t really want to go there, do you”…. Unfortunately, everything was in order … :-(

People here are a bit rude and rough, expressions / words like “thank you” or “please” are extremely rarely used, they bump into you without a word on the streets, they shout at each other, queues are jumped on a regular basis, people are beaten up on the streets. People are shot to death. One morning, our taxi passed by a place which had been blown up by a bomb – an entire flat was completely destroyed, policemen were gathered and looked at the place in dismay, millions of little pieces of glass were scattered all over the place … Very violent and dangerous place this city … Oh, I forgot to mention the weather … When you look out of the window, all you can see is an endless grey. When it's not raining. And it’s so cold ….

Fortunately, I am no longer faced with the perspective of moving to and living in Moscow … I am no longer faced with that tough choice. Everybody is relieved and happy and I feel like I am living again :-) . Thanks everybody for the continuous support!

I didn’t realise that I could miss Brussels so much … It really feels like home. And I will be at home tonight! God, I can hardly wait! My flat, my bed, my things ....

All is well that ends well ...

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Marché aux puces and other weekend happenings

‘Is there a fair organised on your street each weekend?’ was the question whispered in my ear on Saturday, (very) early in the morning (I was soon going to find out it was 7am!). It was A, who visited me this weekend, and had been awoken by police cars with policemen shouting things into megaphones. I awoke dizzy and confused, having no clue what he was talking about. I dragged myself near the window and we both looked outside, noses pressed against the glass, like two curious children.

To my utter bewilderment, I saw several sheets or pieces of plastic spread on the pavement and, displayed on them, various items of second hand merchandise – from old dolls, books to worn out clothes. We even saw a clothes rack and an old telly waiting for interested buyers. We had quite a laugh, it was actually very difficult for me to stop laughing … there was also a mobile canteen, selling food and drinks allowing the exhausted visitors to have a pleasant rest. A very fat couple was already buying something to eat … As if they really needed it! Two black guys were selling books and dolls and an older couple was showing interest … The woman was closely examining a doll and showed it to her husband … He took it from her hands, looked at it, got his finger under the doll’s skirt and decided to buy it … :-). I looked and laughed for a while longer, such a crazy gathering of people, people with dogs on the leash, Chinese, black people, Arab people, I even saw Indians … The only thing they seemed to have in common was the poor dressing style … You could tell that they were all poor people, who else would buy second hand baby clothes sold directly from the pavement? The whole scene both saddened and made me laugh … Brussels truly is a perfect melting pot!! And I just love it so for it! I went back to sleep a little while afterwards as I still felt in need of sleep.

Later that day, sitting in an Indian restaurant, we talked about children and relationships, having children versus not having … and Moscow and job prospects.

The weather was fantastic this weekend again … These have probably been the last true autumn days in Brussels. Or, ones of the last, anyway. I feel so bad and regretful about having to fly to Moscow tomorrow! Grrrr .... what a dreary place!!

Today, sitting in a braserie, I was caught totally off guard by a question … He asked, in a very serious manner, if I would definitely come to live in Moscow … It was a very serious question … Impossible to dodge it … I fidgeted, tried to gain time by playing with my food on the plate, playing with my curls, taking a sip of water … Finally said that I would, provided I find a good job …

And here I am, packing my suitcase again! I am off to … Moscow tomorrow! I am full of prejudices about this country and culture but I know I have to look at it with different eyes … Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to survive there for two weeks. Just to prove a point. Not mine.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Autumn is here ...




At last! Brussels often shines with glittering rain … We often have rain in Brussels these days, without it being annoying, since these are short intervals followed by other sunny intervals … The temperature is quite pleasant, the colours are simply amazing in their variety. So … autumn is here, my favourite season.

Yes, I have been lazy and not too inspired lately that’s why the blog suffered. But probably nobody really noticed that I have not updated it since nobody ever reads it so …. That’s cool, it makes a real diary out of it – for my eyes only :-). Please, you casual readers, don’t prove me wrong :-)

So … what have I done lately? Hmmm … not much in terms of travelling, I’m afraid. I went to Amsterdam for work for three days and also spent last week-end there. I have been to Amsterdam many times but this was the first time I looked at it with different eyes, I discovered its specific charm. I took long strolls, paused to look at the canals, had quiet meals in Oriental restaurants. People were so relaxed and everything seemed a lot nicer than last time I was there.

These days I am back in Brussels and currently preparing to fly to Moscow on Monday morning. I will be in Moscow on a job for what seems to me an eternity - two weeks - and also on the week-end in between. I haven’t been to Moscow since 2001/2002 when A was there on a secondment and I went to visit like a dutiful wife. I heard on the grapevine that things might have changed for the better, however some have also changed for the worse. Much worse. But it remains to be seen … I guess I can always just sit in my hotel room and read or chat online with friends or (god forbid!) even work if the outside atmosphere strikes me as being too threatening for escapades.

What else is new? My best friend is on the look for her better half so I am consulted again and my opinion is sought on lots of pictures of guys :-( That is so boring and I am usually very exigent so … poor guys, most of them don’t really stand a chance. Well, I’m actually joking – my friend is much more lenient in this respect …

It’s funny how different people really are. Another good friend has wanted a baby for ages. She is not married but has a boyfriend who is afraid of committing and especially of having children. But she desperately wants to have a baby, it has become her raison d'être. Consequently she is very unhappy and has given the guy an ultimatum. My best friend above mentioned, who is currently looking for a boyfriend, on the other hand, was completely put off by a guy who told her (on the very first date!) that he wanted a family and children and he was extremely willing to commit almost immediately. Hmmm … it’s all very strange and frustrating! But life likes to play the cruellest tricks sometimes! Most of the time we don’t realise what exactly we want and, when we finally realise that, it’s usually too late! Sometimes we just want what is inaccessible, what we cannot really get. If, by a miracle, we manage to come by that particular thing, we end up losing interest most of the times or messing things up. Life is simply not fair!

Well … I think it’s time to end this long post … I am sure that the casual reader has long since fallen asleep! Maybe they are even snoring now :-). I myself feel sleepy at this time so it must have been one of my most boring ones :-( .Until next time, dear blog!